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The Pacifier Switcheroo

February 3rd, 2009

A few nights ago, I was putting down my nine-month-old for the night.  On this particular night, I was going solo, as Brenda was away at a work event.  We always sing together to Drake when we put him down for bed, but Brenda typically takes the final act:  she sings one of my songs, Mercy Falls, when she puts him into his crib.  On this night, I was singing Edelweiss to Drake as I rocked him and moved towards his crib.  As I began singing Mercy Falls, however, Drake got this mischievous grin on his face, pulled out his pacifier and began trying to put it in my mouth.  Recently, I have been making him laugh by taking out his pacifier and putting it in my mouth.  He always gets the funniest grin on his face and a quizzical look, as if he gets the joke but is thinking, “That doesn’t belong there!”  So Drake turned the joke around on me.  When I began singing my own song to him, he pulled the “pacifier switcheroo,” shoving his binky towards my lips.  I grabbed it in my teeth and then kept right on singing through clenched teeth and a smile, with Drake laughing the entire time.  So there you have it:  at nine months old, my son pulls his first practical joke.  You had better believe that this boy has a sense of humor.

“It’s Christmastime; there’s no need to be afraid.”

December 11th, 2008

At Christmastime, there is the usual flurry of condemnations about commercialism and how it has become such a consumer holiday.  I can’t deny it.  Without Christmas, most of our retailers would quickly go bankrupt.  In my opinion, there is certainly nothing wrong with questioning the values that our culture has superimposed on this Christian holiday.

And yet, it isn’t consumerism that intrigues me.  Rather, I am fascinated by our all-powerful urge to consume, that shows up in many less obvious ways.  For example, why are we as Americans the most overweight nation on earth?  Have we never learned when to get up from the table?  What is the psychology that causes one to keep eating even though the stomach has had enough?

I remember when I worked in a regular office.  We had vendors who would deposit goodies at our office every week, a less-than-subtle bribe for our business.  Wednesday was Krispy Kreme day; unfortunately, these delectables were placed right outside my office.  Every time I walked by, I had to make a decision about whether or not to take a donut, before they rapidly disappeared.  I always had to fight the urge to consume, even if I had eaten my fill.  I remember analyzing my thought process in order to understand this incomprehensible urge.  It went something like this:  “If I don’t take one now, they’ll all disappear and I might be hungry later.”  In essence, I was motivated by fear, fear that I wouldn’t have what I needed when I needed it.  Over-consuming was my strategy for trying to take care of myself, a kind of Darwinistic way of attempting to control my environment for my own “survival.”

Perhaps that example doesn’t resonate with you, so let me try another.  Most of us have a closet full of junk-perhaps even a garage full-that we never use.  Ironically, many of us in southern California don’t even park our cars in our garages because they are so full of stuff.  I’m the same way.  I have the hardest time getting rid of junk.  As I look through my closet, I see an old typewriter from college days shoved to the back.  In all likelihood, I will never use it again, given that everything I do is now on a computer keyboard.  And yet, I struggle with getting rid of it.  In the back of my mind, something says to me, “But what if you need it again?  What will you do then?”  Again, it is simple fear that drives me to create an environment that will have anything I could possibly need at a given moment in my life.  That is why my garage is full.

The question I want to ask is why? Is it just part of our identity? Is it a need to control or manage our own lives? Do we want to insulate ourselves from need?  Perhaps control is at the heart of the dilemma. Or perhaps our identities have become a vacuous lie that are only informed by the stuff that we accumulate.  Walker Percy, in his incredible book Lost in the Cosmos argues that our identities are these empty vacuums that must suck the life out of everyone and everything around us.  He remarks that an outfit in your closet may seem like “you” one year, and yet, no longer “you” the next.  Did the outfit change?  Or did your identity eviscerate it of all meaning?  Sometimes we treat people the same way.

Why is it that we use people and things to inform our identity?  On the deepest level, perhaps that is what really lies behind consumerism.  Or maybe it is simply a survival of the fittest strategy to over-provide for ourselves.  Either way, I want my identity to be informed by values and character, by people and relationships, not by my stuff.  I don’t want to make choices about consumption based upon fear or control.  I’m not exactly sure how to enact this change in my life, but I know that at Christmastime, the issues become clearer than at any other time.  Perhaps that is why at this time we search for words to express a truly deeper need that lurks within us.

New CD – Mercy Falls – now available!

December 3rd, 2008

 

cd-release-2

Modrocker Music & Christ Church of Pasadena are proud to announce the release of Mercy Falls, a new recording of worship songs by Dan Radmacher.

Now available here on DanRadmacher.com.

Thomas Merton quote #1

December 3rd, 2008

I have become more and more of a fan of Thomas Merton in recent years, not so much of his philosophy or even every facet of his theology, but of his contemplations and inner life.  I respect the stripped-down, gut-wrenching, self-effacing honesty that seemed to characterize his life.  I admire the level of self-awareness and lack of pretention that allowed him to take such brutal stock of his life in the light of the Spirit.  In truth, I long for that kind of spiritual walk.  The following quote knocks me down with its authenticity every time I have read it over the course of my life, which is quite a few times:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and  You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

–Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude 

Mercy Falls CD release concert

October 9th, 2008

The new worship recording by Dan Radmacher, Mercy Falls, will be released on Saturday, Oct 25th. The release will be heralded by a concert at Jameson Brown Coffee Roasters in Pasadena, featuring Dan and members of the Christ Church of Pasadena worship team. The event begins at 7:30pm and admission is free. Come enjoy some coffee and listen to some great music.